Going My Way (1944)

Directed by: Leo McCarey
Written by: Frank Butler and Frank Cavett (story by Leo McCarey)

Man, is this movie a bore.

As you know, I technically consider any Oscar winner "required viewing" (although nothing had moved me to watch this before, so I am a little full of it). This movie was somehow nominated for 10 Academy Awards and won 7, including Best Picture, Best Director, Best Actor, and Best Supporting Actor, and 2 writing awards--one for Best Screenplay and one for Best Story.

Do not be fooled by this; it is inexplicable. It seems there is a consensus that The Greatest Show on Earth is the worst Best Picture winner of all time. Well that is probably true; it is a ridiculous and decidedly *not good* piece of shit. But at least it is entertaining. Going My Way is so saccharine, so lethargic--there is no way to enjoy it (unless you somehow believe Bing Crosby singing in a clerical collar is on par with Jimmy Stewart dressed up as Buttons the Clown).

<spoilerish> At the very end--like, last minute--they pulled a dirty old trick and made me shed an actual tear even though I had been completely disengaged for its over 2-hour (!) run time. Because of that tear, I am not only bored by this movie, I am now mad at it, too.

The "plot" of this film is perfectly suited for List Anything. There is nothing to it but a list of things that happen, most of which result in someone singing for no reason.

Synopsis and spoilers after the jump.

• Young hip new priest Father O'Malley (Bing) strolls into town (NYC), greets the kids on the street, and plays some baseball because that's what young hip new priests do.
• A baseball breaks the window of a tenement building with several lady tenants and if I remember correctly one male atheist. One of these ladies is a real pill and the other ladies flirt with Bing because that's what housewives do when a young hip new priest comes to town. The atheist gets mad and throws the baseball into the street and under a car. Bing crawls down to get it and some water sprays all over him and he gets soaked (lol).
• The current old crotchety priest Father Fitzgibbon (played by Oscar-winner Barry Fitzgerald) meets with a Banker (an actor that probably played the role of "banker" in every movie between 1940 and 1950) and the Banker tells Fitzgibbon that the church needs to come up with some new ways of frightening the parishioners into donating more money because otherwise Banker will have no choice but to foreclose on the church. Oh no! (Don't get too excited; there are no Goonies or Fratellis, unfortunately.)
• Bing shows up at the church in his now-dry, non-clerical clothes (which is a sweat suit with I think monkey see-no-evil, hear-no-evil, say-no-evil cartoon characters on the back). Fitzgibbon does not approve of Bing or this casual attire--you can just feel it!  It's like when Mary Poppins showed up at Mr. Banks' door step.
• Bing gets a phone call from an old friend and it is totally normal when they sing their high school alma mater over the phone to each other.
• Later a cop comes calling at the church and says he found a *WOMAN* on the street and he could tell she was *UP TO NO GOOD* but it turns out she is a runaway who is living on the street so the cop thought it would be good to bring her to the church. Bing talks to her and finds out she is 18 and she ran away from home and is now homeless because her parents gave her a curfew and she just hated it. She tells Bing she wants to be a singer so Bing decides to sing some at his piano and then she sings too. Are you curious what a homeless 18-year-old runaway looks like? Good, I recorded this for you.
• Bing says she doesn't sing good enough so he sings for her. Then he lets her go back to her life on the streets after his singing lesson.
• Later Bing and Fitzgibbon have to deal with some street hoodlums aka bored male teenagers. Bing says they should go to a baseball game. But first (this is where the boring collides with utterly ridiculous), he will teach the hoodlums to sing a song. They sing every teenage boys' favorite song: "Three Blind Mice." In rounds.
• Then he teaches them to sing "Silent Night" in four-part harmony. After this noel is over, he offers to take the hoodlums to watch a baseball game, but they say "NO! Can't we sing one more song, please?" It is absurd.
• Are you bored yet? I am bored typing this. There is nothing compelling going on. Can't we get a plot? Where are the evil bankers? 
• Uh oh, we might have found one of them. The pill from the tenement building has shown up at the church to announce that the homeless 18-year-old runaway is now shacked up with Banker's son. The priests must do something about it!  Fitzgibbon sends Bing.
• Bing goes to the apartment where these two are living in sin and, as any priest named Bing Crosby is wont to do, he sits at the piano and sings them a song called...Going My Way.  It ends with the line "won't you go my way too?" His priestly duty done, he leaves.
• Fitzgibbon in the meantime has gone to the bishop to complain about Bing because he got annoyed at the boys choir singing either "Three Blind Mice" or maybe "Silent Night." The bishop tells Fitzgibbon that Bing is actually there to take his job (can this be our plot?!) and Fitzgibbon leaves, dejected. 
• And then the old man also runs away from home (church).
• But don't worry this isn't a new plot because they find him immediately and he comes back to the church and goes to bed and Bing visits him in his room, and Fitzgibbon tells Bing he misses his home in Ireland and he just wants to go back and see his 90-year-old mother. You will never guess what Bing does. Just kidding, you will totally guess.
• He sings. He croons the old priest to sleep with an Irish lullaby: “Too Ra Loo Ra Loo Ral.”
• Next thing you know and without any explanation Bing is backstage at the Metropolitan Opera in NYC visiting a famous opera star who he has apparently known since they were kids. They might have had a thing once, and she is surprised to learn he is a priest. Bing doesn't get to sing here, but we do get to watch her perform "Habanera" from Carmen. It's pretty good.
• In some weird combination of events after that, Bing and Carmen and the boys choir decide to make some money for the church by recording and selling songs. The songs we have already heard aren't good enough to make any money so that gives Bing an opportunity to sing another new song: "Swinging on a Star" (which really is a fine song but I have heard enough Bing singing already and now I've got Out of this World stuck in my head). This song will make some money so they can pay off the mortgage with the Banker.
• Having been shamed by Bing into going his way, the homeless runaway and the Banker's son announce they have been married, much to the disapproval of the Banker. The Banker says he will not support them but that's ok because she will be a famous singer and make so much money. It makes no sense but they reconcile eventually.
• Bing and Fitzgibbon have also reconciled, and they go golfing. This golfing bit is an actual scene that occurs for no reason.
• Then the church burns down. Why not?
• Bing is reassigned by the bishop to another parish because he has done such a good job singing here in NYC.
• But of course the church will go on and is held in a room where everyone that has been in the movie shows up, including the homeless 18-year-old runaway, her husband/the Banker's son, and the Banker (all on the front row of course) and all the hoodlums who are now a boys choir.
• Bing has arranged for one last surprise before he leaves town. The boys choir starts singing “Too Ra Loo Ra Loo Ral” and in walks Fitzgibbons 90-year-old mother. She struggles and slowly walks up to Fitzgibbon with a smile on her face and she is so happy to see him and he is so happy to see her and they hug and it is .... damnit....it is heartbreaking. 
• The end.

I'd maybe give it two stars out of five until that old lady shows up. But too bad! I give it one star out of five.

REQUIRED VIEWING: The North Avenue Irregulars

P.S. This movie was such a huge hit, they made a sequel the following year. With Ingrid Bergman! Does she mean I have to watch it?